Okay so….by now, I’m sure you have read both of my 30+ and Dating blogisodes which talks about myself and not having any rules in dating…while giving you a little laugh or two with the “Mr. Big” blog in which we’ll revisit later…
You see…we’ve all gone through the “rules” of dating and frankly, it’s about time to get rid of those. I am no expert…I mean heck, if I was; I’d be living happily ever after with a husband, a picket fence, a dog, kids, and a coke & a smile. However, an expert is far from what I am….I’m just a woman dating in her 30s.
So…this blogisode entry #3 is probably more for the ladies, but I’m sure getting feedback from the men will be greatly appreciated…and who knows, they could probably take down a note or two themselves.
Okay so…we’ve all read the books… “He’s just not that into you,” “Act like a lady, Think like a man,” “The Rules,” and “Law of Attraction.” I must say…these are some wonderful books and great takeaways! I definitely do not knock the authors of these books nor think that the information inside are crap. What I will say is that, in dating…there aren’t any rules….and it’s really that simply put.
Now…on the flip side, if you feel you need someone to tell you to brush your teeth before the date, clean the inside and outside of your car, or stick a comb through your hair…then by all means, read and consult as many people as possible…but I must say, I think your “dating” issues are fair beyond not getting a date… YOU may have some issues of your own…
So… I been dating now and was on my way to pick up Steve Harvey’s 2nd relationship book to figure out what is it that I do next… and that’s when it hit me…YOU DO YOU! Like…I’ve read them all, practiced them all, took notes, and the result of a successful relationship with #1, #2, and #3…FAILED…again! So why am I reading another relationship book???? Wake up MTB and ladies! You do not need a book to tell yourself how to date, keep a man/woman, and to have an everlasting love! WAKE UP and DO YOU! Men love the real you! They love it when you laugh at your own jokes, call them after the date just to say “thank you” or even to kiss them on the cheek just to say I appreciate you. Just DO YOU! I mean…how many times have you heard in the last week from men saying “Oh lawd….all these women are about to see this Steve Harvey movie”? That’s because men doesn’t live by rules….HELLO!!!!! Did I get your attention???? Here it is again….MEN.DO.NOT.LIVE.BY.RULES! Why do you think some men don’t text with those cute little “I miss you” messages we crave??? Some don’t do it because they just don’t want to be pressured to do so. We sit there and wait for it because we believe if they LIKE us, they should do those things….Yes! They absolutely should! However, the man that is perfect for you…WILL!
I mean I don’t want to ramble on and on about the different rules or “no rules” about dating, but I feel I have to because we’ve been doing it for way too long. I put it like this if he likes YOU, he’ll do everything in his WILL to keep you…Trust….I know its hard to put down the books and go back to normal you…but, you have nothing else to lose…just try it!
So…with this “No Rules” I been doing in dating…it has opened up a new world! I mean I was so use to waiting 3 days after a date to call the man, waiting 90 days before sex, or standing outside of his car until he opened the door (in which I’ve done that several times including restaurant doors)…all that is bizarre! Yes you want the man to respect you but we’re talking about doing what makes you happy! If you want to lay down and have sex with that man on the first date….go for it! That may be the last time you see him, or you never know, you could be married to that man within the year. Just…DO YOU!
So…I took the “No Rules” approach into a date….We go out to some random restaurant and of course he had his rules down pact! Yes yes ladies…I know I said earlier that some men don’t have rules, but some actually do… and that’s because since they know we’re reading “The Rules” and they want to get pass the first date, they pick up a book or two and learn how to play by our rules, to get us, and then everything else is just down hill from there…comprende? So, he does what he “should do” and open the car door for me. I’m laughing on the inside because I already know what rule was next… The Low Music rule…. Have you ever noticed that on a “perfect” date, when you get inside his car, there’s low RnB music playing (or anything that’s soothing)?! That’s because every man knows that women loves romance so he’s going to have his ipod cued up at the perfect spot for that woman to notice…Now don’t get me wrong, some is coincidental and out of respect, but many is done on purpose…
So anyways…we pull up to the restaurant, I grab the door handle and he says, “don’t you reach for the handle girl,” and gets out, runs around, and opens the door. Now…over a year ago, this would’ve been impressive because we all like a gentleman…however, I seen this bullskip before….some men would do all the “right things” that they think you want but most of these gestures will fall out when you’re in a relationship because he “has you!” Now…don’t get me wrong, if it’s in a man to do those things…it will come natural to him and you’ll get those gestures for life! But we’ve all seen this and Relationship #3 was no stranger to a good game…I mean this man was smooth and he knew just what to do for the ladies. Like he was smart enough to do those “good morning beautiful” text messages, kiss me on the forehead, open doors and blah blah blah…but I caught him slipping one day. He was so use to doing the right things and having to pre-think what he’ll do, but I gave him a random test one day…We went to have breakfast downtown one morning and we walked up to the restaurant door and I stopped and stood there. He practically ran into me and was like, “why’d you stop?” and was looking around confused….I said, “oh did I catch you off guard?” He was still confused so I opened the door myself, gave him the “aha” evil eye, and walked in….Now…I said all of that to say… Men…stop the bullskip if the “opening doors” gestures is not going to continue. YES…we want doors opened for us, but don’t do it just to get passed the first few dates, do it because it’s natural to do so. If she likes you, she’s going to like you FOR YOU…
Now…we’re inside the restaurant and dude is looking at me like I was a slab of meat….He was a nice guy but there was something creepy about the way he looked at me… So…for the sake of names, lets just call him “Nice Guy John.”
“Nice Guy John” was about 4 years older than I was, average height and build, cute as a button, didn’t have children, never was married, and was set in his career…he was a great catch! Whelp…I tested my “No Rules” in dating because at that time, I definitely wasn’t trying to get back into a relationship, so I was just chillaxin…. So…the questions began….In no random order, he asked if I cooked. I said “NO”…hahahaha….hey…No Rules right? Not that I can’t cook, or don’t cook, whether I cook or not is irrelevant at this point. Now…we’ve always had to answer this question and my answer is ALWAYS “sure I can cook! I throw down!” while blurting out different dishes I can whip up….Now…we do this because we want the man to paint a great picture of their perfect wife because in their minds, that’s one thing they can check off their list. So…this is when the No Rules comes in….when I told him that, he laughed and said “that’s cool because I’ll just wine and dine you and cook for you, and you can just relax!” Whoa der…hold up!!!!!! You mean to tell me, saying I don’t cook just got me some brownie points???? In my Kevin Hart’s voice- “Alright Alright Alright” I guess I’m gon’ learn today! Man….I was trippin! Now ladies…don’t just switch it up on dates and tell them you don’t cook and expect the same response because he may leave you at the restaurant…I’m just saying that it worked for me….so do what works for you!
So then “Nice Guy John” goes on to another question….he asks if I was looking to settle down anytime soon. I told him “NOPE!” I was real clear and told him that all I’m looking for is some fun, some food, a movie or two and just relaxation….Now…this is when I really went in hard on it because this is soooo out of character for me and deep down I truly want to be in a relationship but I knew my heart wasn’t ready to love again. But…I didn’t care… I was hurt from previous relationships because I did everything RIGHT, so being comfortable with myself is what mattered to me. I even told this dude that I was dating 4 other men simultaneously just to see what he’d say and… “Nice Guy John” was cool with it and said “may the best man win!” So now I’m like….I get it! A man wants a challenge! Like think about this, whenever we as women call too much, text too much, want to hang too much, that man will run the other direction. But…if we pull that back, answer the questions truthfully, don’t be so quick to be at his beckon call, he will most likely chase you or at least meet you half way…Ladies…relax and DO YOU!
Reading a bunch of relationship books, trying to follow certain rules from movies may or may not cut it…but you know what…DO YOU and when you do that, trust…he will notice you when you’re not looking and do everything there is to get and keep you…which is the goal…
Ladies and Gentlemen….NO Rules…just DO YOU!
