Wooo sigh! In life, we go in and out of relationships...when you're IN, sometimes you want OUT...and when you're OUT, you seldom want IN. This up and down and in and out starts when you're about 13 years of age when you first start dating and continues probably until you're married, although some of the married wants out...
To fast forward my dating life....I'm in my 30s...well, actually 33 to be exact! Dating for me use to be simple. I'm in a relationship, loving the relationship, and then 4-5-6 years down the road, I'm back out doing it all over again. My past relationship sets the tone of the upcoming blogs of my journey in dating. I'm a committed type of woman and going into a relationship with me, you walk in knowing what my intentions are. However, I am not the chick that jumps into relationships quickly. As stated earlier, I am 33 and surprisingly, I've only had 3 relationships...this shows you the type of person I am when I decide to commit.
Relationship #3 sunk like the titanic...unexpected! We had one of those "open" relationships since neither one of us wanted to go thru the cheating of our past. We both decided to hang out, take our time, get to know one another, spend a million hours with each other, do for each other, and "feel" like we're in a relationship even though we didn't have the title. This seemed like a good idea after getting out of a 6 year relationship that ended in infidelity and 2 kids on the side....but it was the worse idea EVER! Women like me don't EVER want to have a relationship fail, and Relationship #2, killed it for Relationship #3. I needed to go very slow, however, it sped up pretty quickly. At the beginning with Relationship #3, he looked into my eyes and promised that he'd never hurt me. I asked that if he felt I wasn't enough for him, if he could walk away before hurting me, and it was agreed. Well...I'm writing this blog only to tell you that, just like #1 and #2, I was hurt by my best friend. Most/ Some, but not all, men are quick to say that women like to jump into relationships and control the man! Honey, I did exactly the opposite....I don't like controlling a man....heck I was scared to get into another relationship, but I know that ALL MEN ARE NOT DOGS so we set boundaries in the beginning, left the door wide open if he wanted to leave, and all it did was get slammed in a sista's face...
You ask...."What'd he do?" Lets just say Relationship #3 repeated the past cycle...he slept around with plenty other women, was in relationships with these women, and with one of them, got her pregnant. Trust...this baffled me! I know some men will step out....but because he and I set boundaries and agreements, and he was my best friend, I thought at least he'd respect me enough to let me go before doing the dirt...and I think the worse of all was that we were friends....we WERE friends....and the friend I once had, who I spent all my time with, who I supported emotionally, who I helped in his career, who I never argued with, only saw me as JUST ANOTHER ONE, hurt me....
The ending of Relationship #1, Relationship #2, and Relationship #3, pushed me back....waaaaaay back! Yes, I was furious....Yes I cried....Yes I wanted to bust the windows out his car....Yes, I said I wouldn't date again....Yes, I said all men are dogs....Yes, I said I would start dating white men....Yes, Yes, YES! I did and said it all....but you know what....that's not me. I'm loveable, God fearing, and I know that I will have the best....and Relationships #1-3 were just stepping stones for me to grow but in no way shape or form, for me to use as a crutch for my future. So now....I watch....I learn....I have fun....I date....and who knows....maybe one of these dates I'll eventually take serious. But for now, because of my past heartache....I do me...focus on my career, health, body, spirit, and mind...and enjoy the life of being single and dating as a 30 + female in Los Angeles...Come along on my journey and watch, comment, and laugh at the interesting dates that I come in contact with...
